Drawing Closer in Marriage

I am amazed by how much I am learning in this class. This last weekend I was able to travel with my husband for work for the first time in our married life. He was giving a special presentation to a group of people in his company including some of the big wigs. We were able to get my mother in law to watch our children and we had almost three full days together. Some of it was spent in the business meetings, but the other part was spent really delving into our marriage and the things I have been learning in this class. We were able to really concentrate on each other and talk through some of the struggles we have each been having.  I am happy to report that things are improving and we are better than we have been in a while. 

TURN TOWARD EACH OTHER

I can really say that we concentrated on turning more toward each other this last couple of weeks and it is making a huge difference. In the book “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” by Dr. John Gottman he gave us some do’s and do not’s for helping to make this happen.  There were a couple of obstacles that he talked about that I can see being huge hurdles for some and not such a big deal for others. They are:

1.     “Missing” a bid because it’s wrapped in anger or other negative emotion.

2.     Being distracted by the wired world. 

I am sure that many of us our hooked up to our electronics all the time these days, how many of us take time to put them away and spend time with our loved ones? I know that I am sometimes guilty of this. I am going to work on being better with this one in particular. I think we can all take time to turn more towards our loved ones and especially our spouses. Pay close attention to the little things that they do to show you they care.

CREATING SHARED MEANING

Dr. Gottman also shared some great advice on how to create more shared meaning in our relationships. He gave us “the four pillars of shared meaning” which are:

1.     Rituals of Connection

2.     Support for Each Other’s Roles

3.     Shared Goals

4.     Shared Values and Symbols

I have to say that I am really seeing so much that can come from taking all of the tests in Dr. Gottman’s book. One of the things that my husband and I are going to do is start reading the book together from the start. We are going to engage in all the activities and really dive into creating more connection in our marriage. We love each other and are ready to commit to making our marriage better. I hope that some of you will be willing to join us on our journey.