Selflessness is a Key in Marriage

 Are we being selfish or selfless??

Being a mother of 5 children I am constantly thinking about them and how I can help them to be better people. After reading an article by Paul R. Amato (1), I am very concerned for my own children and how my family life is affecting them. There has been a couple of times in the course of my marriage that we have been on the rocks and divorce has been discussed. There are so many harmful effects for the children that I do not see this as being a good way to handle most marital problems. I have watched many good friends go through a divorce in the past few years and I see the destruction of the family and the children. I do not want my children to ever have to go through this.

I am going to use talk a bit about some of the behaviors I saw that seemed to start the downward spiral towards divorce. The financial hardship is one and the mothers have gone back to school to get an education so that they can provide for the children as the father has yet to support the family. As Elder Dallin H. Oaks mentioned in his May 2007 (2) talk, “selfishness” was the cause of these divorce’s and continues to be at the root of all of the family problems. The mother’s have had to go on assistance for food and daily living.  The children have gone from being happy and carefree to seeming to bear the weight of the world on their shoulders.  The fathers have had to move out and find someplace else to live. These are just some of the issues that the divorce has caused.  I do not think that any parent is solely responsible for the divorce, but each has a fault.  What I have seen some of them do after though has been supporting the kids in keeping them in the same home and school.  These little things help to keep some stability for the children and I think that the parents are truly trying to minimize the effects. Does any of this sound familiar? Have you contemplated divorce?

I would love to see us all take into consideration the impact divorce will have on our children. Have we done everything we can to make the marriage work? Have we used the principle of repentance first? Have we tried counseling and putting away our selfish desires? Have we prayed and truly asked the Lord to help change our hearts to be Christ like? When we have done these things and still feel no hope then it is time to talk to your Bishop and receive the counsel of the Lord.  I believe that we can make a change in our lives as we strive to live the gospel, humble ourselves and truly look to serve and care for our spouse as we have those around us. 

“Say unto them, Ye hypocrites, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.”

               Joseph Smith Translation - Matthew 7:8

References

1.     Amato, Paul R.(2005). The Impact of Family Formation Change on the Cognitive, Social and Emotional Well-Being of the Next Generation. www.futureofchildren.org Vol 15/No 2

2.     Oaks, Dallin H. (May 2007). Divorce. https://www.lds.org/ensign/2007/05/divorce?lang=eng